me: brain, let’s talk.

brain: I always have time for my favorite consciousness. what’s up my dude?

me: On our information recall contract -

brain: Oh. That. Go on.

me: Yes. This. We each have responsibilities. I: "create, unearth, research, view, hear, or sense ideas, facts, NAMES, STORIES, and events . I deliver such items to you. You store them" -

brain: - "and retrieve upon request". yes.

me: and retrieve upon request. brain, that part is all you. It’s a clear and simple partnership. I'm not asking a lot here. Just basic recall.

I’m trying to work with you. I group similar items, I tag things, create mnemonics. I repeat things three times, I involve different senses - I see, speak and write facts. I create rituals - the keys ALWAYS go on that shelf. I embrace your limitations, as the medals they are, for a storied career. But I’m not ready to call our work done, yet. Not already. Not now.

I meet you where you are, and we still barely get by, brain. You still don't retrieve information I asked you to hold. It may be getting worse, it’s hard to tell.

Every day I’m hit with the memory tax. The extra time looking for lost things, the poor efficiency of looking up the syntax of a "while loop" for the 100th time. The social cost of forgetting names. There’s a big social value on knowing someone’s name. and an implication in not knowing it. It means they didn’t matter enough to me.

Now when a friend asks “Hey, have I told you about ..”. I just shrug & flatly say, “ I don’t know. you may have”.
Are you still mad and jealous about me using that notes app, "Obsidian: The Second Brain" ?

brain: As if. There can be only one.

me: Well it fell flat. lesson learned.

brain: Look dude, are we good? can we just be good, like if you just didn’t need anything else from me? Think of the millions of facts and crap I've churned out year after year. And it worked. We made it dude. Now we coast. How about, I’ll keep up with the autonomous nervous system. And, if you want facts, you got Claude. I’m ready to chill on a hill. I want a vacation.

me: You get no vacation without giving me the password to that old macbook. I must’ve typed it ten times a day, for years. And now, what? - into thin air?

brain: let it go

me: just because it sat on the shelf a couple years.

brain: everything on that mac was migrated. you don’t need it.

me: I never destroyed you with drugs or booze.

brain: La di dah. gold star. We know why that was. Mister purity.

me: Yeah, I was too shy. I didn’t know anybody cool enough to do drugs.

brain: Right. Self discipline never entered the picture. <snort> You couldn’t even get hooked up in Cambridge.

me: There’s something i’ve been wanting to ask.

brain: Shoot

me: Were we always like this? Have we ever been able to remember peoples names, or facts? Or did I finally just realize?

brain: Yes and no. You’ve always been face blind. Remember as a kid, in movies you couldn’t tell the characters apart? How you’ve never recognized people out of context. That’s faceblind. You rely on other cues, what they wear, their voice, where you know them, general features - things you can describe about them.

me: That system is crap. Knowing people by their general features ends with Asians thinking I’m racist.

brain: The forgetfulness - not being able to remember the title, “Lady Madonna:”. literally your favorite Beatles tune, you played 100’s of times, that arrived later.

me: Is that aphasia - Do I have aphasia? I have thoughts I can’t connect to words. Do I humbly excuse myself now with that, along with the face blindness thing? “...Sorry there's a word for this thought but I have aphasia. Also I don’t remember your face. Have we met?”

brain: Yes, those are actually great social tools. Humility and candor. I give you those, along with other coping skills. Ever consider giving me credit for that? You can read the room, you have the perceptiveness to fake it. You have wide enough vocabulary to find a different word, the honesty to admit it.
So I can’t get you the exact word you wanted-

me: like “composite”

brain : (sighing) yes “composite”. You’re still hanging on that-

me: I searched high & low for that. I really needed it for the sentence about the oil painting.

brain: Yeah, that was never, ever gonna come.
And I see how you obsess on having the perfect word. You don’t need to rewrite every text three times.
So I get you get the cousin of the word you wanted. With the ponytail, people just figure you’re being poetic. It’s fine.

me: Is it normal, or am I worse than most? I don’t see others fumbling this much. It feels like I’m different.

brain : You’re a special snowflake.

me: But at what point must I stop considering myself intelligent? What matters is external effectiveness. Having the benefits of that intelligence locked behind your rust is like not having it at all.

brain: What you call yourself is on you. Maybe it’s not important.

me: Identity isn’t important? Brain, you’re all I got. It’s not like I sail through life on my raw charisma and athletic prowess.

brain: Have you considered doing drugs?