The Newport mansion wedding reception was the usual opulence, with the usual pressures. From the moment I loaded in, the wedding planner was telling me how to do my job, how to set up, not realizing I’d been working in that particular room far longer than she. Our pianist had a marathon; he had played for the wedding ceremony, then he played the cocktail, then straight into the band set, with no break.

This particular mansion has a notable ornate, antique, gold-trimmed grand piano. The tourguides would always point it out, it looks straight out of Versailles. But no matter how picturesque, an acoustic piano is of no use in the amplified environment of an eight piece party band. Yet the planner wanted a pianist playing the beautiful antique piano, not some keyboard. We do our best to say ‘Yes’ to clients.

The band finished the first set and took a dinner break. But as soon as we paused, the planner told the pianist, "No No, you have to keep playing" - on the fancy gold piano. It wouldn’t do for guests to eat dinner listening to my ipod.

I was just the band’s sound guy; I had no particular authority to enforce contract terms. But with 20 years on the scene I knew where I could push back. I put my foot down.

No. This kid does not play for 6 hours straight with no break. This entertainment company does have a service offering for “continuous live music” which you did not opt for. In that case we’d have hired additional musicians to stagger shifts throughout the night. She still wouldn’t hear it. Fine. I'll skip dinner and go play. (True, I'd been on the job even longer. But I can eat dinner after, while I mix the band.)

Dinner cocktail music is simple. Any jazz standards fill the space. It’s acoustic wallpaper, behind the hum of conversations and clinking china. There just needs to be that flavor of piano as a layer in the aural environment. So it’s an easy gig, technically speaking. I played for less than half an hour, and the band was back on stage.

As Newport Mansion weddings go, this one was even a step above. Any event would have a photographer and videographer; this family hired an artist to paint the evening in oils. He took in the scene from his easel in the back of the room. I strolled behind him now and then and discretely snapped a pic of the novelty. Throughout course of the night you could see it take shape. While a photographer might capture precise moments in time, this was an artistically licensed composite of the evening as a whole - the couple's first dance, combined with a heartfelt toast along with oh my frickin god.

He painted me in at the antique piano. From the 25 minutes I sat at the bench faking jazz standards, I am now in this couple's wedding oil portrait, forever.

I found the finished product on the artist’s website later that week. I can't tell you the style; I have zero art vocabulary. It's blurry- I guess impressionist? Doesn’t matter; the blob at the piano is absolutely me - white guy with ponytail, not the actual pianist who played all night - african american kid with a buzz cut. So i guess i'm on some couple's mantelpiece for eternity in a fancy frame. I sometimes use that blob as a profile picture.

caption this picture:
“artistic license, indeed!”
that never happened.

if I’d only known
I’d have combed my messy hair
good thing it’s blurry